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  • Writer's pictureElfreda Manahan-Vaughan

How to find hope when it seems hopeless.


I can remember as a child lying on the floor listening. I was trying to see if I could hear my mother below. I wasn’t doing what a lot of children do, trying to see if they could get away with being out of bed or playing a game and making sure not to get caught. I was listening to see if I could hear her breathing. I was waiting for the slightest movement or sound that would tell me that she was ok. Growing up in a home with domestic violence means you spend a large part of your life being afraid. For me, my fear was that something would happen to my mother and then I would be left alone in the world and I would have no one to keep me safe.

I used to have nightmares that my family had all left me, and regularly dreamt of my mother’s death. Living in fear meant that I drifted off into fantasy worlds where I was a grown up with my own home, that I was famous (thankfully I let go of that one) or that I was rich. The amazing thing about my fantasies was that, unlike what you would expect, they didn’t make me a daydreamer separated from reality, they actually filled me with hope and optimism, they gave me a sense of what could be and pushed me into thinking how I could get there. I think that’s why Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Mental Rehearsal appeal to me so much.

I ironically, and sadly, at 26 I found myself completely alone. My father died when I was 23 and 3 years later my mother died. None of my family lived in the same country as me and so my worst childhood fear came true. I have had several dark periods in my lifetime but the years following my mother’s death were the hardest and yet I never gave up. I knew that one day things would change and that I could achieve the things I had dreamt of all those years before. Some people call it manifesting, I personally believe it is about being really clear of your intention and paying attention to every opportunity that will bring you closer to what you want.

Right now, as we go through another lockdown of the Covid 19 pandemic, many people are losing their sense of hope. I can understand how hard it can be to imagine things being better when there appears to be no end in sight and yet I knew as a child, even though I had no power to change it yet, that one day things would be different and get better.

My sense of hope and possibility infuses everything that I do. When I coach, I help my clients feel like everything is possible, as one client said ‘after a session with you I feel like I could rip up trees’. When I teach, I educate my students so that they can find hope and possibility in their lives too. We are far stronger than we know, believe me I know, when you’ve touched the edge of darkness, and I know many of you have, you become increasingly aware of the light.

If you are interested in coaching or attending any of my classes or workshops, then get in touch via the comments or by direct message.

Stay safe my friends. I hope our paths cross again in future.

Elfreda

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