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  • Writer's pictureElfreda Manahan-Vaughan

Giving Yourself Permission

Over the past few years I worked with a lot of clients. I am always fascinated how many of them mirror my own experiences and challenges. This leads me to think either one of two things,

1. They are a mirror for my own journey of self-discovery or

2. Everyone is just the same and we all struggle with the same problems and challenges.

I think the truth is, it’s both. The universe has a great way of placing in your path the right lessons at the right moment and underneath all the individual difference we display we really are the same, vulnerable, insecure and just trying to do our best. Over the past few years I have worked with people who don’t feel good enough, you struggle to speak up for themselves, who feel like victims, who think there is something wrong with them, who apologise all the time and who don’t know how to find their inner power, to name but a few. I have struggled with all of these experiences at different points in my life and some of them I am still working on. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by a close group of people who accept me as I am, and this has allowed me to own up to my challenges and to admit when I am not doing so well. This is not always the case with clients and so for me as a coach it is important to allow them to be whomever they are in the moment, even if it involves expletives, some of which can get directed at me. I am ok with that, as I work hard at giving them permission to just be, whatever that may be, and when they are ready we work on finding their chosen direction and figuring out what they want.

What I’ve learned from this process is that most people struggle with giving themselves permission to be less than perfect. They may not feel the have to be perfect in every area of their life but there always seems to be some area where they deem their behaviour, or certain behaviours, as not good enough. When this happens, they feel a dissonance with what they think they should do and what they actually need. So, for this weekend I want you to give yourself permission to do, say, feel, be whatever your inner voice says you need, not what you should or what you think makes you a good person or a worthwhile person but what you truly need.

Stay in your pyjamas all day

Stay in bed

Pass on a shower or washing your hair

Wear no makeup

Each the cake

Lie in the sun




Take a day off

Have a takeaway

Leave the dishes in the sink

Let someone visit without cleaning the house

Let the grass grow

Write down all the things that frustrate you and wallow in your frustration for a few minutes

Say what you really think

Be true to your heart’s desire

Do whatever you never give yourself permission do because you think that its not ok, or that other people will judge you for it. The amazing thing is that once you do, the world won’t end, and people will soon forget about whatever you did because they will be too preoccupied with themselves. The important thing about giving yourself permission is acknowledging who you are and what you need. Once you do you’ll find the tiredness soon passes, the tears get less, the anger subsides, and you have the chance to be more present with what is actually happening, rather than trying to live up to some imagined expectation whilst ignoring what your true self actually needs.

So, just for the weekend (but preferably every day) give yourself permission to truly be yourself.

Thanks for reading if you have any questions about what I do please feel fee to get in touch,, 00353868373582.

I hope our paths cross again in future,


Mind Coach, Meditation Instructor, Trainer

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