Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Why staying curious helps you drop the judgment and focus on understanding.

Image by Pavel from Pixabay

As a child I was always super inquisitive. I can remember my mother sending me into the sitting room to look things up in the encyclopaedias to satisfy my endless questions. I was called the walking dictionary in school, by friends, not because I knew all the words but because I often knew random things that other people didn't.

When Google became widely available it became my constant companion. I love to know things. I am sure it may be linked to needing to feel in control and safe, and no doubt it has links to my avoidant attachment, but it gives me great satisfaction finding out facts and learning new things. When I completed my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology it was no surprise to me when I did my VIA Character Strengths test that Curiosity and Love of Learning were in my top 5 strengths. You can do your own test here if you are interested.

When I sit watching the television or reading a book, you will regularly see me pause to look something up. I will see what other shows an actor was in and if I had seen them before. I will look at what else the writer has written. I will check if something is factually correct, such as how long is normal for someone to blackout or how quickly chloroform works. Over thirty minutes signifies a brain injury, and at minimum 5 minutes of exactly the right dose inhaled, in case you are wondering.

I have begun the understand in the past year that my search for knowledge is also most likely linked to dopamine release, as despite what many think, that dopamine is a reward neurotransmitter and hormone, it is in fact released in anticipation of reward and not from the reward itself. This has lead me to understand that when I start searching for an answer I am triggering my dopamine response so, my constant thirst for knowledge is actually making me feel good.

Did curiosity kill the cat?

When I was child the saying curiosity killed the cat was often trotted out as I asked endless questions of my parents. They never finished the saying, as I have above, and so I didn't realise that finding answers was actually satisfying. Nor did I realise that by staying curious I would begin to develop greater skills in non-judgement when I started practicing mindfulness daily, over a decade ago.

When I teach mindfulness to clients and students they inevitably do the thing that everyone does, and which I did myself, which is try to get it right. I often get told that they can't meditate because their mind is too busy or that they get too restless. What they are missing is that this is the practice. If you have an agenda you are not in the present, you are striving for something and that is not mindfulness.

Students are often surprised when I tell them that some days my meditation is filled with planning or going over past situations. They are even more incredulous when I tell them that I see these meditations as equally, if not more, beneficial than when my mind is still and I am able to focus on the practice.

What I have learned over the years is that being mindful is as much about being curious as it is about being present.

Mindfulness needs to be more than meditation.

When I started meditating properly, I wanted to cure my insomnia, feel less anxious, stop my mind racing and be more focused so I wouldn't make mistakes. I had all these goals that, at the time, I didn't realise were the opposite of what I needed to be doing. Now, don't get me wrong, all those things, and more, came but not when I was trying to make them happen.

The biggest shift in my practice happened when I stopped the trying, and doing, and I focused on being. It was then that I realised that being curious was the greatest tool in my toolkit. You see mindfulness shouldn't just be something you do when you meditate. It needs to be an applied skill which means that it should be something that shows up in your life all day everyday.

For me, that meant learning to know my own mind. It meant being present with my thoughts as they arise and being able to stay with discomfort without trying to push it away or escape from it. Instead of judging the fact that I might be planning, I am curious as to what the planning is doing for me. If I can't sleep I am curious as to what is different today in comparison to other days when I do sleep. If I am anxious I notice how it feels and what it is trying to protect me from.

My mindfulness practice has become another way for me to express my curiosity and for me to develop my love of learning, except in this context I am the subject I am learning about.

Image by Photorama from Pixabay

Non-judgement, noticing without and agenda

As I taught my mindfulness class today the rain starting pouring down. The room we were in had a corrugated roof which meant the sound was all the more deafening. I could see the shift in the students as the commented on the downpour. The sudden awareness of the potential for getting wet as they went to their cars or what might be impacted later as they headed home.

I asked them could the simply notice the stories they were telling themselves about the rain and be curious about how this was being felt and responded to in their bodies. I asked if the story was making their experience of the moment better or worse and could they just notice the rain in the moment by listening to the sound.

So often we fall into judgement of the moment because we have an agenda. We have things we want or need to get done. We have expectations about how people or situations 'should' be and we battle the present in our minds trying to make it fit our version of how we want it. But what if you were simply curious about what that was like. What if you stopped focusing on the agenda and just noticed what it is like for you when things don't go according to plan.

The power of the present.

All your power lies in this moment . I know my own mind better now than I ever did. I can spot why I feel a certain way and what my anxious or worry thoughts are trying to achieve and when I don't know, I stay curious. Does my mind still race? Sometimes. However, when it does I ask myself what is the mind racing trying to do. I stay curious and present and doing so I start to enjoy all the power I have in the present moment to choose how I feel, what I focus on, and what I can do now to make the next moment more of what I need. Try it, instead of judging yourself for not doing it right or not being good enough, be curious about what is happening in you, and ask yourself what benefit there is for you doing what you are doing. The insight is worth it.

Thanks for reading. I hope our paths cross again in the future.

Love,

Elfreda